Potty Etiquette 101

Exactly when did it become okay to talk on the phone while "sitting" in a public bathroom stall? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think it's ever been polite to converse while seated on a toilet-unless the conversation involved pleading for some paper from an adjoining stall. But maybe I'm old-fashioned.

With an odd mixture of horror and irritation, I realized that I might be one of the few people who feel that way at a restaurant in Opelika, Alabama. My family and I were making our annual trek from the Atlanta area to my parents' house in Louisiana. My awakening occurred as my daughter and I stood in a line extending out the door of the women's bathroom and into the main aisle of the restaurant. We hoped to eventually get into the one stall that people were entering and exiting in a timely manner. The other stall was occupied for an inordinate amount of time, and not due to something like IBS. At first, I assumed the woman who was chattering away in the second stall was speaking to a friend in line. But there were lulls in the stall hog's chatter. No one that I could hear was answering her back. Was she crazy? Possibly. After my initial evaluation of the situation, I came to the conclusion that this woman was talking on the phone. Not only was this woman being rude to the person she was talking to via cell phone (I think Miss Manners would agree that no one deserves to hear flushing and other noises that occur while seated on a toilet while engaged in a phone conversation). But this woman was also being selfish in forcing all of us lined up to wait and wait because completing her conversation was more important than a group of strangers with bursting bladders.

And what do you suppose this "absolutely couldn't wait" conversation was all about? Was it an emergency in any sense of the word? Was someone in this woman's family dying or in a car accident? Was her house on fire? No. She was talking about a computer purchase. And it wasn't like she didn't know a long line had formed. She could hear the ladies in the queue complaining.

The expression "potty mouth" holds new meaning for me. Perhaps Webster's will add it to the dictionary. Potty Mouth: (noun) a person who speaks on her cell phone while urinating or while others around her urinate. Don't be a Potty Mouth.